Or if Hell Just Up and Froze Over

I could like him, I think,

If he just wasn't so damn annoying.
Or he knew what he was doing.
All he would have to do is just shut up.
Or if he weren't such a know it all.
Or a pervert for that matter.
Maybe if he was even slightly attractive.
Or had some money.
And ambition.
Probley if he were in a debilitating car wreck that left him comatose.
For sure if he moved to a third world country to build homes for orphans.
Possibly if he got a good raucous alien probing.
Or if the sewage being dumped from an over head jet smothered him.
And if he fell down and the pigs ate him.
Or if he tripped on his own tongue and ripped it out and bled to death while panting over the skirts.
Or donated his heart to an ailing orangutan.
And if he spontaneously combusted and left nothing but a bad smell.

Then, maybe, I might like him.
But until then, I don't. And probley never will.